Following hard on the heels of David Hasselhoff in Jekyll and Hyde: The Musical is Elvis and the Beauty Queen starring Don Johnson as Elvis. And not just any Don Johnson ... the 1981 version of Don Johnson, with a SouthCal-Memphis accent, truly interesting eye makeup, and a wig that defies description. The soundtrack is apparently courtesy of a pioneering group of Elvis impersonators.

This is awful, fascinating stuff. So much so that I'm actually, right now this minute, watching it. Watching the skinniest Fat Elvis imaginable re-woo Stephanie Zimbalist after nearly shooting her in the head: "Remember, Ah don't love anybody but you. No mattah what you hear them say." But Stephanie (as Linda Thompson) is too smart to fall for that one, and she drives her Dodge Dart out the gates of Graceland and on to a better life. Moral: sometimes it's best not to believe a gun-toting man covered in rhinestones.